


Sunflowers

by shoyoboke



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, KageHina - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:20:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23312266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shoyoboke/pseuds/shoyoboke
Summary: "It’s pretty.That was his first thought. There was something oddly charming about the long golden petal, barely blemished by specks of blood, resting on his outstretched palm.It must be sunflowers. Of course it would be."Kageyama's secret crush brings more physical pain with it than he bargained for.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 36
Kudos: 365





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, I am posting something that isn't an update to _"Bad to You"_ and for that, I am sorry.  
> It's another fragmented work with short chapters that will be updated often.  
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
> _(check the tags)_

_It’s pretty._

That was his first thought. There was something oddly charming about the long golden petal, barely blemished by specks of blood, resting on his outstretched palm. 

_It must be sunflowers. Of course it would be._

Kageyama suspected that he had hanahaki for a few days now. The burning sensation around the lungs, wet coughs from time to time, shortness of breath, and of course… an unreciprocated crush. The symptoms all matched up, the sunflower petal in his hand only confirmed his suspicions. 

He should tell his parents. Get the surgery. All he needs to do is take this petal as evidence and ask his mum to book him a visit for a scan, what’s the big deal? 

His chest burned with pain; _it was a big deal._

Imagining his existence without the burning passion for the number ten on his team was difficult to say the least. He couldn’t fathom the possibility of his love being replaced by lukewarm friendship at best. 

Although, that’s probably all their relationship was to Hinata.


	2. Chapter 2

“Kageyama, have you got a cold?”, Daichi asked in the changing room. Everyone seemed to stop in their tracks, all eyes on the first year setter. It was unheard of for Kageyama to get ill.   
“Wow, I can’t believe Kageyama would get a cold!”, Hinata chirped, carelessly throwing his uniform into his bag.   
“Don’t be silly, idiots don’t catch colds”, Tsukishima smirked behind him, accompanied by giggles from Yamaguchi.   
“Shut up! And no, I don’t have a cold”, he barked at Tsukishima, but managed to reply calmly to Daichi, who appeared to be genuinely concerned.   
“Wow, you were right, Tsukki”, Yamaguchi snickered, leaving the changing room behind Tsukishima.  
“Told ya.”   
“Hey!”, Kageyama called after them irritated, but stopped in his tracks, feeling a sudden tightness in his chest.

He cautiously glanced at Hinata who stared him expectedly. They were meant to walk halfway home together, as always. Despite his best effort to keep the coughs in, locking eyes with the object of his affection only made them return twice as strong, making Kageyama feel like he was at war with his own lungs. Shallow coughs began escaping his mouth, and from then it only became worse. Within seconds Hinata was at his side, petting his back. 

“Are you sure you didn’t catch a cold, Bakeyama?”, he asked. Kageyama wasn’t sure what on earth gave Hinata the impression that he was going to get an answer when the person he’s asking is suffocating. Suddenly he felt something scratch against the inside of his throat. 

_No, not now._

A few more seconds of painful coughs and he had some petals mixed with blood and saliva in his hand. He quickly closed his palm into a fist before anyone could see it and hid it in his pocket. Sugawara observed him closely, and as they locked eyes, Kageyama realised that he saw something and was suspicious. Before he could dwell on this further, Hinata tugged on his jersey.

“Here, water”, he passed him a bottle, looking up concerned. How was Kageyama supposed to get rid of his feelings when Hinata looked at him in such a way? He accepted the bottle and downed almost all of the water. It didn’t soothe the pain in his throat, but didn’t make it any worse either.   
“Thanks, let’s go.” 

Through most of the way home there was silence between them. Hinata attempted to start light-hearted conversation a few times, but to no avail, Kageyama’s throat hurt too much to speak.   
“Are you sure that you’re okay? Don’t overwork yourself, I need you in top condition if you still wanna be my favourite setter”, Hinata stopped when they reached the point where they should part.   
“I’m perfectly fine”, he replied, his sore throat making his voice hoarse and barely recognisable. Hinata cringed at the sound, but nodded and mounted his bike.   
“And don’t act like any other setters will make you fly the way I do!”, Kageyama shouted on top of his lungs when Hinata took off, and was rewarded with a wave of sweet laughter that faded away too quickly. 

As soon as he took a step in the direction of his house, his phone vibrated. 

**Sugawara Koushi:** “Can we talk?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, don't I make Kageyama overly dramatic?

Kageyama didn’t reply immediately to the message. Sugawara always looked out for them, and he will for sure cause a big uproar if he confirms his suspicions. Not only will Kageyama be banned from playing volleyball until his recovery, Sugawara will also tell his parents, and they will force him to have the flowers removed. 

At times he thought it would be for the better. 

When the pain became unbearable at nights, and when something as simple as setting eyes on Hinata took his breath away. That’s when he considered surgery. Following those moments of weakness something always happened. Something small and insignificant in the greater scheme of things, that for him turned the tide and made him forget all about surgery. Sure, the pain was becoming unbearable. But wouldn’t life where Hinata’s smile didn’t brighten his day be unbearable too? Or even more so? Before he fell in love with Hinata his life was bleak and uninteresting; now it was filled with colours and shades he didn’t even knew existed. How could he choose to abandon the feelings that made him feel alive? Wouldn’t death be the same as getting the surgery? 

He could already hear his parents saying that it’s a load of teenage hormone induced horseshit, when they hear it from him during his protests against the surgery, _when_ they eventually find out about his disease. So far, they were clueless, as he hid in his room almost constantly, and they mistook it for a sign of teenage rebellion.

Nevertheless, he couldn’t keep it a secret forever. He could tell he was getting closer to having to push full flowers through his throat, so it was about time he confined in someone. 

**Me:** Yeah, we can talk.


	4. Chapter 4

Meeting Sugawara on a weekend felt surreal. It was just one of those things that should never happen. Seeing him wear casual clothes (black slim jeans and an oversized navy hoodie) felt wrong somehow, almost like accidentally catching your parents having sex as a kid. 

“Come on, let’s get something to eat, my treat”, Sugawara announced enthusiastically, without a sign of worry on his face. That was a good sign for Kageyama. They ventured into a local restaurant, not making much fuss about where they should eat or what to order. Sugawara went all out, ordering a pile of dishes for them to share. The only order Kageyama placed was for miso soup, followed by a request for warm water. His throat pulsed with pain, and no amount of warm beverages would help. 

“So what did you want to talk to me about, Sugawara-san?”, it took a lot of courage to ask.   
“Let me be straight with you”, the serious tone of his upperclassman scared him, but he nodded in affirmative.   
“I saw what you hid in your pocket yesterday. Petals, right? Have you got hanahaki disease, Kageyama-kun?”, it was obvious from the start that Sugawara will ask, and yet it made Kageyama’s throat tighten from anxiety. 

“Yes.”, he looked down, avoiding the older boys gaze.   
“I see”, Sugawara smiled gently, and placed his hand on Kageyama’s, causing the younger boy to look up at him.   
“Do your parents know?”  
“No, not yet.”  
“Has it been long?”  
“About a month now since the first time I coughed up a petal.”  
“That’s long.”

The waiter interrupted the impromptu interview, laying out the dishes on the table.   
“Looks lovely, thank you”, Sugawara said politely and began filling Kageyama’s plate with all kinds of meat and sides, tending to his own plate later.   
“Dig in while it’s still warm”, he prompted. They ate in silence, and Sugawara ordered dessert for them to share after they were done. Kageyama barely touched any food, and the older setter pretended not to notice. 

“Do you plan to confess?”, Sugawara asked after the dessert was served, casually poking the stack of tiramisu with his spoon. Kageyama almost choked on the water he was drinking.   
“No, I can’t”, he replied promptly. He never even considered that to be a possibility.   
“It might seem that way, but I think it’s the best course of action”, Sugawara suddenly sounded older and wiser than he really was, pointing a spoon at his underclassman.   
“You don’t understand, it might ruin the team dynamic-”, he stopped himself too late.   
“It’s Hinata, isn’t it? Come on, have some dessert”, Sugawara smiled at him.   
“It is”, he sighed defeated.   
“What kind of flower is killing you?”   
“A sunflower.”  
Sugawara laughed a little at that. Kageyama stuffed his mouth with a spoonful of tiramisu, sulking.   
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s just… Really fitting.”  
“I think so too.”  
“So, why don’t you confess? Even if Hinata doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, I’m sure he won’t treat you any different, and you can just get the surgery”, Sugawara said thoughtfully.   
“Knowing Hinata, he would force himself to love me, just to make this more bearable, he would do something like that for anyone on the team”, Kageyama admitted his assumptions, making Sugawara grimace and put his spoon away.   
“You’re over exaggerating. It will make you feel better if you know for sure, for all you know, he might reciprocate your feelings.”


	5. Chapter 5

Hinata was worried. He wouldn’t say it out loud, but Kageyama could see it in his eyes. Everywhere he went, pools of molten amber followed him, and no matter how poetic the descriptions of Hinata’s eyes got in his head, it was becoming irritating.

“Do you want something?”, he said finally. His milk just hit the bottom of the vending machine, and he bent down to retrieve it. Hinata yelped in surprise behind him.   
“How did you know I was there?”, he asked, not embarrassed that he was caught. _I would notice you anywhere, idiot._  
“You suck at hiding, dumbass”, Kageayama deadpanned and began walking in the direction of his classroom.   
“Shut up, it’s not like you do it better!”  
“I don’t have to hide, I’m not spying on anyone!”  
“I’m not spying!”  
“Staling then.”  
“I’m not!”, Hinata hit him in the back playfully. It made his lungs compress for a second and forced out a litany of coughs from him.   
“Shit, I’m sorry”, the concern instantly made a come back, and Hinata seemed to forget all about their bickering from a second ago. Kageyama tasted blood in his mouth, his throat was completely wrecked at this point.   
“It’s okay”, he said after he calmed down, but then he looked down at Hinata, and locked eyes with the attentive pools of honey in the boys eye sockets and went back to square one; coughing into his sleeve. 

“Hinata, I don’t want to go back home with you today. And I won’t be walking to school with you tomorrow”, Kageyama announced that day after training. He realised that the more time he spends with his crush, the worse his lungs get and he needed more time to make his decision.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not feeling well today,   
> really depressed and anxious,   
> so forgive me the sad attempt at poetry below  
> and the lack of replies to comments/instagram/mails

They barely saw each other anymore and each day was becoming more painful than the last. The races in the morning stopped, replaced by a solemn lonely walk which Kageyama submitted himself to by methodically turning up late by fifteen minutes to practice. Spending breaks and lunches together was out of question too, after retrieving his milk he would eat alone, accompanied only by his muffled coughs. During practice he forced himself not to look Hinata’s way, to ignore the playful taunts or hurt glares of the creamy eyes that followed him around the court.   
“Kageyama!”, the sound of his name brought forth by number tens’ tongue made his chest tighten, heart swell with pain. He could bet that Anteros is mocking him somewhere in the Olympus. Automatically, he set the ball to the object of his affection.   
They didn’t return home together either anymore. Kageyama made sure to bolt out of practice almost instantly, avoiding his teammates prying questions and worried glances.   
“Did you guys argue?”, he heard Nishinoya ask behind the closed doors of the changing room.   
“I don’t think so”, Hinata replied, his tone indicating he was lost in thoughts. 

Hinata grew lonelier each day. Worried sick for his best friend, he came up with new plans to check up on Kageyama each day, but the setter avoided him with such ease that Hinata began wondering if he didn’t somehow become super smart over the past few days. Maybe that’s why he didn’t want to spend time with him anymore? Despite the streak of rejections, he didn’t give up. There was no reason for Kageyama to act this way. 

Or so he thought, until he stole one of the setters notebooks to copy his homework. He should have known better. In seconds he realised that he will have to submit an empty page, or a bunch of made up answers, because Kageyama’s notebook was filled with poorly made doodles, a few game strategies that were too messy for Hinata to understand, and… an attempt at poetry? Kageyama definitely wasn’t smart enough to compose poetry, Hinata doubted that the setter even knew what a rhyme is. Nevertheless, he gave it a read.

_Melancholy puts my heart into slumber  
Only awakened by the depths of your amber  
Lost in them, on earth I find heaven   
I’m not a sinner, but for you will commit all seven   
~~Sunflowers in my mouth muffle the slander~~  
For your mere presence strikes me like thunder _

As he thought, the words made no sense. It was as if Kageyama just stuck random words together. All the talk about heaven and sins made it clear enough that it was a love poem.   
Not wasting any time, he snapped a quick picture of the page with his phone, and threw the notebook back into the setters bag before he got caught.


	7. Chapter 7

“ _Lost in amber_ \- the speaker clearly means someones eyes”, Yachi pointed out. 

For the past twenty minutes Hinata has been bugging his friends for help with deciphering the poem, which Tsukishima correctly identified as a “failed attempt at a limerick”. _They aren’t supposed to be romantic, and the only correct thing this poem has is the aabba structure._

“How do you know it’s about eyes?”, Hinata blurted out, astonished by his friends eloquence. Apparently no one else was, considering that Yachi gave him an embarrassed half-smile.  
“You’re actually dumb”, Tsukishima snickered.   
“But yeah, the crossed out line is probably the most important one”, Yamaguchi interrupted them, pointing out at the line that has been scribbled out.   
“Whoever was writing this probably realised the line doesn’t fit in, and changed the ending”, Hinata shrugged, more concerned with who Kageyama was writing about.

He didn’t tell the trio that helped him that their setter was the author of the mediocre work they were reading. There was no need for that, and he was sure that Tsukishima will instantly flee the helping session to torment Kageyama about it. As much as Hinata would like to see that, right now he needed Tsukishima’s brain to decipher the butchered poem. 

Although he the fact that Kageyama wrote a romantic poem was initially amusing, now it left a sour taste in his mouth. It meant that the setter was in love with someone, and for reasons unknown to Hinata, the thought disturbed him. This person took his best friend away. It was hard for him to not hold prejudice against the mysterious girl that stole Kageyama from him. 

“I think it got changed because it revealed too much, look”, Tsukishima pointed to the half scribbled on _‘sunflower’_ and gave Hinata a side glance.   
“Sunflower?”, he returned the look in confusion.   
“In someones mouth?”, prompted the blonde middle blocker, clearly irritated.   
“Oh!”, Yachi exclaimed, and Hinata locked eyes with her, hoping that she will share the answer to the riddle telepathically.   
“Ah, like coughing up flowers?”, Yamaguchi asked, and Tsukishima nodded, tiredness visible in his features. 

“Oh! Like Hanahaki!”, Hinata finally caught on. Muscles that he never realised were tense relaxed a little and his shoulders dropped.   
“So Kageyama has Hanahaki, isn’t that kinda serious?”, he asked the group and instantly saw everyone's eyes widened in shock. _He shouldn’t have said that._ Yachi and Yamaguchi let out audible gasps, Tsukishima pressed his lips into a tight line.   
“No wonder the poem was so crap, the King’s literacy skills are on par with that of a baboon-”, the blonde beanstalk muttered, but otherwise appeared uninterested.   
“That’s extremely serious!”, Yachi exclaimed, practically cutting off Tsukishima.   
“No wonder he coughs so much”, Yamaguchi added.   
“Do we know who he’s crushing on based on this though?”, Hinata shoved the phone back into Yachi’s hands so that she can examine the poem once more.   
“Eye colour isn’t enough of a hint, we both have brown eyes Hinata, and so does Tsukishima, and Suga, and Noya and half the school”, Yachi went into a spiral of listing, clearly distressed by the situation.   
“Should we tell him that we know? Maybe it would be good for him to talk to someone about this”, Yamaguchi suggested.  
“No! Absolutely not! He’s been avoiding me all week, and I’m like his only friend, so… I guess he wants to suffer through this alone. Plus, he would literally break my neck if he finds out I snooped through his stuff AND shared the poem with you guys”, Hinata was throwing out words at light speed.

“That’s true he’s been avoiding you for a while now”, Tsukishima said lost in thought, and then a smile broke through his frown.   
“You look creepy, why does that make you so happy?”, instinctively, Hinata backed away.  
“Because I know who the poem is about now”, the blond’s smile vanished as soon as it appeared, and he left, tugging Yamaguchi along.   
“How do you-!”, Hinata was about to chase after him, but Yachi stopped him, grabbing his arm with strength he wasn’t aware her tiny hands were capable of. 

“I think I know who it is too”, she muttered, not meeting the redheads gaze.  
“Ah, that’s amazing! I shouldn’t have expected less, Yachin, you’re so smart!”, Hinata praised her, freeing his arm from her grasp and taking her hands into his instead.   
“Can you tell me? I need to know! I need to knock some sense into this idiot and tell him to confess to her!”, although that was what he said, imagining Kageyama confessing to a faceless girl made his guts twist uncomfortably.   
“I think I have to”, she took a deep breath, and met Hinata’s eyes. He has never seen Yachi look so intimidating before, so determined…   
“Hinata, I’m pretty certain that it’s you”, the girl whispered the words on one breath. He barely heard her, and it took him a second to comprehend what she said.   
“No way, Kageyama’s straight”, he blurted out.   
“What makes you think so?”, she asked, quite confident that he won’t be able to produce a coherent reply.   
Hinata mumbled all sorts of “wells” and “buts” under his breath, but in the end couldn’t come up with anything that made sense.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't proof read this, but here it is, things are getting... worse?  
> Please don't be sad though ^^''

Things changed. For better or for worse, Kageyama wasn’t sure. Each day he grew weaker, his immune system unable to cope with his lungs polluted by sunflowers that bent and stretched to leave as little space for air as possible. 

He hoped that Hinata’s absence in his life would make the situation better, but it only amplified the suffering. The colours were faded once more, there were less and less reasons for happiness each day. And the amount of free space in his lungs decreased each day, his body was clearly losing that battle. 

At this point, so far removed from Hinata, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to ever speak to him. About anything, even volleyball, which always came to him so naturally. Confessing became a “mission impossible” at this rate. Even if he could bring himself to speak to Hinata, his throat wouldn’t let him. It was surprising that his parents still didn’t realise, considering that he hasn’t spoken to them for days. It burned whenever he drank, and eating was out of question. In the mirror he could see that the flesh of his throat was torn and swollen from the constant coughing. No wonder it hurt. Coughing up blood and tiny fleshy parts that probably came from his throat, along with petals, became the norm. 

But he had to say something. He had to hurry up and make a decision, before the flowers consume him. Sugawara was right, confessing and getting the operation as a worst case scenario was the only logical route. 

He made his mind up on a Thursday. There was no specific reason he chose that day. He just knew that time was running out, and made up his mind on a whim in the morning. He tried to speak to his mother, but didn’t get through much besides a “mornin’” before his vocal cords gave up on him. 

Hinata was avoiding him at school. The day was warm, the sun made it to the top of the sky early and was determined to burn the earth's inhabitants. The conditions were perfect to practice volleyball outside, yet Hinata did not try to approach him like all the other days before. It’s been a while since he did not have to avoid Hinata at all, by now the boy knew exactly where he would try to hide from him and it appeared that now, when he was seeking him out, he decided to avoid him instead.

It could have been a coincidence. 

But it wasn’t. Hinata had no idea what to do with the new information that Yachi unexpectedly dumped on him.  
“Yeah that’s what I thought too”, Tsukishima confirmed what Yachi said the next day, his face didn’t betray any emotion.  
“Make your mind up quickly, I’m not sure what this idiot is planning on, but he will have to get the surgery eventually”, the blonde added after a few seconds, noticing Hinata’s disturbed expression. 

That didn’t help, the boy made a defeated noise that Tsukishima wasn’t sure how to comprehend, and so decided to simply shift away from the redhead. Hinata didn’t want to see Kageyama suffer, they were best friends after all. But was it possible for them to be more than that? 

He found it hard, almost impossible to imagine. Would holding Kageyama feel nice? And how comes Kageyama had those thoughts? All he ever did was cuss him out on court, the most physical contact they ever shared was when Kageyama kicked him or when Hinata tackled him, all they did was fight. 

_...muffle the slander._

Oh. The poem did make some sense after all. 

Unable to make up his mind, he avoided the setter like wildfire.

It came as a shock to him that Kageyama could be gay, he never dwelled on this before. The night before; however, that was all he thought about. Kageyama never seemed interested in Shimizu, who was by far the prettiest girl Hinata ever laid eyes on. Kageyama’s height, captivating blue eyes, and the fact that he didn’t say much (hence, the girls not finding out that he has one brain cell that worked only when it came to volleyball), all worked in his favour, and he got confessed to a few times. Hinata was usually nearby when any confessing occured. Kageyama never accepted, saying that he has to focus on volleyball. 

Was his crush on Hinata just a part of the volleyball obsession too? 

The more he thought of that, the more he realised that Kageyama had to be gay. Although, it wasn’t as if he ever caught the setter checking anyone out in their changing room. People probably didn’t do that. 

Well, Hinata did. He couldn’t avoid seeing Kageyama during practice. It seemed that Kageyama wanted to talk to him about something desperately, and Hinata equally desperately tried to avoid the conversation, by pretending that he can’t hear Kageyama, who could barely whisper at this state. 

It was cruel, but it was the only way out of the situation. 

When Kageyama finally dropped the subject, Hinata couldn’t tear his eyes away from him. He felt like he has never seen him before. Or never paid so much attention to the setters features in the past at least. All he ever thought about was the fact that Kageyama was tall. Like, freakishly tall for their age. Sure, Tsukishima was the real anomaly on the team. But now Hinata started to realise that Kageyama wasn’t all height. The shirt of his school uniform came off, and Hinata was staring at him in an oblivious manner. Everyone in the changing room gave Hinata awkward glances, but the redhead didn’t notice. Kageyama was well built, it was clear that his body was shaped by volleyball; his arms strong and muscular to serve and block, shoulders wide, clearly formed pectoral muscles, and abdominal muscles less so, but still slightly showing. He was pleasant to look at, Hinata decided. _Kageyama was really handsome._

“You got a problem?”, Kageyama barely managed to force through his throat. Hinata caught his gaze, the blue eyes piercing through him intensely. Quickly, he turned his head away, and almost audibly heard the bones in his neck click due to the abrupt action. He tried to hide his blush, but it wasn’t like he could cover his face, it would look ridiculous.  
“No, sorry”, he muttered, completely out of character. Sugawara stirred uneasily in the background. Normally, Hinata would start a fight, even if he had no reason to. Now he just gave up, and continued changing in silence, awkwardly stealing glances at Kageyama from time to time. 

During practice it was even worse. He made silly mistakes. Mistakes that even Kageyama, though visibly out of breath, did not make. _How is he still playing like this?_ Hinata wondered, but couldn’t raise the question, not to get Kageyama benched. 

It was evident that the setter was in pain, and Hinata wanted to help. But he wasn’t sure how. Unsure of his feelings, he couldn’t just lie to Kageyama that the affection was mutual. Although, the more he saw him struggle, the more convinced he was that his connection to the setter went beyond friendship. Kageyama was a good person. Despite his pain he did his best to hide it, to not inconvenience him with the unwanted feelings. Hinata admired his selflessness. Yet, at the same time knew that it meant that Kageyama will get the surgery soon. Could he really let his only chance with Kageyama just slip through his fingers? 

Automatically he jumped for a spike, not even looking at Kageyama. His eyes were open, he searched for the ball, but it didn’t come, and he dropped to the floor without hitting anything. The ball dropped a few seconds before he did, landing at Kageyama’s feet. It bounced a few times, unaware that the boy that was supposed to set it was suffocating.  
“Kageyama!”, Sugawara was at his side almost instantly, wrapping an arm around the younger boy protectively. Kageyama wasn’t even coughing anymore, just wheezing for air. It sounded painful.  
“Get the coach”, Daichi gave a sharp look to Tanaka, who stood on the court. Ukai chose a good moment for a quick cigarette, and for sure won’t be pleased by the disruption.

Kageyama started coughing, bent in half uncomfortably. Tears were streaming from his eyes. Unconsciously Hinata started backing away, slowly, step by step, until he hit the wall behind him. Kageyama dropped to his knees, and Sugawara kneeled next to him, patting his back lightly. It was clear that whatever was in his throat he couldn’t get it out. The coughing intensified, and Hinata felt his heart clench. 

_This is my fault._

The thought invaded his mind. He knew that it wasn’t true. He wasn’t responsible for anyone's feelings, he couldn’t be. Nevertheless, the guilt only increased, as he watched Kageyama struggle to catch breath. The whole gym was watching helplessly. 

Coach Ukai opened the door a little too hard, and a loud bang that it made against the wall alerted everyone. Exactly at that moment Kageyama coughed something out. Something big, that Hinata couldn’t see from here he was standing. Then he saw the setter reach into his own mouth and pull something out. 

A flower. _A sunflower._

Sugawara moved away slightly, making way for their coach and Hinata caught a glimpse of the mess on the floor. There was a lot of blood, almost a tiny pool of it. He never saw something like this before. A little off centre laid a sunflower, most of its petals attached to it. It still had half of its stem. Next to it laid the one Kageyama just ripped out, mingled, with half the petals missing. 

Hinata stared at it wide-eyed, before Ukai blocked the view, crouching next to Kageyama and helping him to his feet. The setter wobbled a little, it was clear that the lack of oxygen for those few seconds caused significant enough damage. The redhead looked up, and saw the blue eyes carefully avoiding his. Kageyama was a mess, his own blood still staining his chin, contrasting against his pale skin.


	9. Chapter 9

The white walls in the overly sterile room intimidated him. The lights were too bright for his eyes, and the bland greens and blues of the room which were supposed to be soothing burned his eyes. The oxygen mask felt like it was going to leave bruises on his skin. The nurse assured him that it’s fine, but he was all too aware of the weight of the plastic. 

His parents were livid. Mainly his mother. They left not too long ago, after signing all the necessary paperwork, and assured him they will be back tomorrow before his operation will take place. He wanted to text Hinata and tell him about it, about everything. The stress was eating him away and he couldn’t bring himself to sleep, even if it was literally the only thing he was allowed at this point. 

_“It was really irresponsible to hide something like this, you could have died”_ , words like this have been spoken to him so often since practice that it felt like years since it actually happened. Coach Ukai was the first to scold him, then the school nurse as they waited for the ambulance. Luckily the paramedics didn’t say a word. At the hospital the staff tried to keep it light hearted, but the doctor bitterly remarked that he made everyone’s work harder by delaying everything so much. His parents were disappointed, his father didn’t say much, his mother couldn’t stop shouting at him. At one point it seemed that the nurse will force her to leave because she was causing such a commotion. 

“How are you feeling?”, the same nurse he just thought about appeared by his side, her presence brought him back into the present. Her name was Lily, she wasn’t Japanese, but spoke fluently. She was the only person Kageyama remembered, because she came the most often.   
“Okay”, he barely made the word out, but she understood. Lily was fiddling with something beside his bed that he couldn’t really see without moving his head. She explained that she will measure the oxygen levels in his blood, it happened twice before already. 

“It’s getting better”, she beamed at him cheerfully, and he gave her a nod, unable to reply.   
“You look so miserable”, he thought Lily will leave, but she was noting something down now.   
He tilted his head slightly, trying to look at her. Miserable was an understatement.   
“Everything will be better tomorrow, I promise”, she squeezed his hand reassuringly before leaving the room. 

Kageyama wasn’t sure if she was right. He wanted it to be better. But will feeling nothing be better than the pain he experienced now? It will be the same if not worse. 

The night stretched uncomfortably. He was left listening to the sounds of the room, the oxygen tanks humming, the clocks ticking, the shuffling outside his room from time to time. It took him a long time to fall asleep, but when he finally did, the dreams disturbed him. 

He dreamed of Hinata. Of the first time he realised he was in love. Was it a memory or a dream? He couldn’t tell. All he knew was that he was in love with this boy for a long time. Yet, only now he classified the word. His eyes followed the number ten as he jumped on Nishinoya and gave him a hug. A soft smile invaded Kageyama’s face that was usually curled in a grimace. Hinata was perfect, in every sense of the word. Initially, Kageyama fell for his eyes, the way they gleamed with pure unadulterated happiness when he smiled at someone, anyone. But quickly he realised that he misjudged his own emotions, he fell in love with the meaning behind the cheerful look. The unconditional acceptance that Hinata was willing to bestow on any of his friends. At that specific moment he felt his heart clench at the sight of Hinata carelessly showering Noya with affection. He wished he was in the liberos place. He could be, easily. But it wouldn’t be enough, would it? Kageyama wanted more. And he knew that wanting more would be his downfall. Because Hinata barely considered him a friend, he was just like that with everyone. Suddenly, Hinata was next to him, hugging him tightly. Without thinking he embraced the shorter boy, tightly, afraid that he will slip through his fingers if he doesn’t grip him firmly.   
“I love you”, he whispered, in his dream it didn’t hurt. He buried his face in the boys hair.   
“I love you”, he repeated louder, and felt Hinata stir in his arms. Finally, he moved away slightly to look at him. Hinata’s eyes weren’t affectionate anymore, weren’t gleaming with happiness like they did when he was with Noya seconds ago. His gaze was filled with pain, it was clear that he was on the brink of tears.   
“Kageyama”, the boy called his name and he blinked astonished. It sounded so real.  
“Kageyama”, the call became louder.  
“Wha-”  
“Kageyama”, the third call made him open his eyes. He never got to ask Hinata why he was crying, although he felt like it was because of his confession. Unconsciously he put his hand on his heart, holding back tears.

“Are you crying?”, he heard a faint whisper by his ear and almost jumped up in fear. He turned to the side abruptly, making all the cables attached to him move too. Hinata was next to him. He looked nothing like he did in his dream. A white hoodie covered most of his hair, although some rebellious strands still covered his forehead and got into his eyes. His pale skin tone worried Kageyama, but what worried him more was Hinata’s mere presence.   
“What are you doing here idiot?”, Kageyama tried to say, it barely came out of his throat. Hinata understood what he meant and smiled sadly.   
“Don’t speak, let me do the talking”, Hinata sat on his bed. Was this still just a dream? The redhead glanced consciously at the door and then quickly back at Kageyama. He was scared of getting caught, of course. How did he even get inside? Kageyama wasn’t paying much attention as to how they got here when he first came, but he knew that to get into the ward the staff used passes that granted them entrance. 

“At first, I wasn’t sure, and I just didn’t want to lie to you, you know? I mean, I only just found out yesterday, so it was hard to comprehend all this so quickly, and like, I never even thought about this before, but the more I thought the more it made sense, and, um… Well, when I was looking at you, I guess, I don’t know, it’s not like I would mind”, Hinata blushed slightly and averted his gaze for a second, “but yeah, I guess that means that this whole thing, isn’t just, you know”, Kageyama didn’t know, Hinata wasn’t making any sense to him. 

“What?”, he managed to say, confused by the redheads blabbering. Letting Hinata do the talking wasn’t a wise decision.   
“I’m saying that your love is not one sided. I mean, thinking about it now, I never cared about anyone as much as I care about you, and I guess the fact that I think you’re hot or whatever means I’m into you”, Hinata mumbled the words out.   
“Are you serious right now?”, Kageyama looked at him in disbelief.   
“I think so… Seeing you like this makes me really sad you know, I never wanted to make you suffer, actually, quite the opposite. I always tried to impress you and get you to smile whenever we played, but you’re a tough one.”   
“Same here, dumbass, you’re easy though”, Kageyama muttered, limiting the use of words, as to not cause himself too much pain.   
“Rude”, Hinata pouted, but it melted into a smile within seconds. Kageyama smiled back.   
“I want to go on dates, and do all these couply stuff, is that alright?”, the redhead said after a while, the silence between them was stretching, but the lack of confirmation from Kageyama started to scare him. Maybe he was wrong, and Kageyama didn’t have feelings for him? The doubts consumed him.  
“I don’t think that will be possible, they will remove the flowers tomorrow morning”, Kageyama gave him a helpless look.   
“But shouldn’t it be all done now? Shouldn’t they just disappear now since your love is mutual?”, Hinata grabbed his hand and squeezed hard, trying to emphasise his argument.   
“This isn’t a fantasy novel, real life doesn’t work like that.”  
“Maybe I should just kiss you? Would that solve it?”  
“It would not”, Kageyama sighed, but removed the oxygen mask nevertheless.   
“But you said-”  
“Doesn’t mean I don’t want to though”, he pulled Hinata forward. His grasp on the boys arm was weak, but Hinata eagerly leaned forward. Their lips gently brushed against each other, it wasn’t quite a kiss, more like a failed attempt. But soon Kageyama’s fingers sunk in the orange mess hidden under the white hood and kissed Hinata deeply, capturing his lower lip between his own lips and sucking on it gently. A small hum escaped Hinata’s mouth, and unsure whether it was a plead to be released, or a whimper of approval, Kageyama moved away. It took awhile to take the sight in front of him, Hinata’s mouth was parted slightly, bruised from the intensity of their kiss, his cheeks flushed, eyes clouded with desire.   
“Why did you stop?”, he asked breathlessly. Instead of replying Kageyama simply pulled him back in. The pain in his lungs subdued, due to the excitement curling in his abdomen. 

They could worry about the logistics tomorrow, for today he just wanted to enjoy their proximity. In the back of his mind the worries that after this night he will lose feelings for Hinata completely gave him anxiety, but he forced himself to push those aside. Whatever happens, happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost there, I hope it wasn't too anti-climatic.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the suspense, and the fact that I'm now suddenly ruining the perfect number 10, by adding an 11, but I promise it will be worth it ;w;

The white material of his hoodie clung to his body uncomfortably, wet and heavy with rain it made Hinata’s body shiver, but he paid it no mind. Standing in front of the hospital patiently, not losing sight of the door. He knew how ridiculous he must have seemed. His feelings so new yet so intense. 

_It couldn’t end like this._

The thought circulated around his brain aimlessly, it was the only thing he could come up with. It’s been around two hours since he got kicked out of the hospital, but he didn’t intend on going home. The hours that were left until Kageyama stops having feelings for him were so few, he didn’t want to waste them. But it wasn’t like he could have spent them with the boy at this point. Hence he stood outside helplessly, letting the rain and wind style his hair and make him tremble with every harsh whip. 

_“You’re too good to be true.”_

Kageyama muttered while they kissed and it was still stuck in his head. It was the first time someone said something so flattering to him. Given his nature the setter had an emotional range of a teaspoon, but the look in his eyes when Hinata reflected in them was enough for him to know that his love was true. 

How could it end like this? 

Hinata needed him in his life. Come to think of it they were always so codependent, their relationship was always more than friendship. They spent every free second together, they made countless promises; to bring the best out in each other, to get to worlds together, to defeat one another in the future. Life without Kageyama wouldn’t be fun, Hinata knew that much. But life without Kageyama’s adoring eyes following him around the court, pretending to be scornful, would simply be heart-wrecking, now that he knew it was a possibility. 

If only he knew earlier. 

Why didn’t Kageyama tell him? 

Hinata always knew Kageyama wasn’t bright. But this was beyond the idiocy he deemed the boy capable of. How getting rejected could be worse than death? It was something he couldn’t comprehend even if he tried. 

It felt like hours before the sun came up. It was only 7am. The operation was scheduled for 10am. Hinata sat curled up on the nearby bench, he could probably walk in, but he’s been in this position for so long he wasn’t sure if he could move now. There were missed calls on his phone from his parents and teammates, but he couldn’t bring himself to reply. He messaged his parents earlier to assure them that he’s safe, but what kind of parent would feel reassured by that? 

He felt so tired. 

Physically and emotionally exhausted, to the point at which he just wanted to put his head down and cry. He will lose Kageyama soon. Forever. That was it. They won’t be back to normal, because their normal wasn’t normal to begin with. They will simply be teammates, nothing more. But it wasn’t like Kageyama will forget all this, was it? It’s just that his feelings will change. Just thinking about this gave him a headache. Or maybe it was the cold and sleep deprivation. 

_“It’s not like they can just magically disappear.”_

Why can’t they? Hinata wanted them to do just that so badly. Was it so much to ask for? If only Kageyama didn’t keep secrets from him. If only he told him. 

Hinata shook his head. He’s been going in circles for hours. It only put him down, he couldn’t act like a victim here. Kageyama was the one that suffered, and yet here he was selfishly worrying about his relationship with him, instead of the boys health. 

The most important thing was that Kageyama will be saved. 

If the setter was in his place he would definitely be grateful that Hinata will live, and not dwell on the personal cost it comes with. After all, they are young, they will both fall in love with other people at some point. Just the thought of that made Hinata’s insides twist uncomfortably. Or perhaps it was hunger. He couldn’t tell. 

It’s not like he could stomach anything anyways, the anxiety curling up in his stomach won’t let him push even a single bite through and he knew it. 

It was 9am. The time passed quicker once the sun was up. Hinata wandered back inside the hospital and effortlessly found Kageyama’s room following yesterday’s route. There were patients on either side of him, separated by thin material that created an illusion of privacy. The redhead couldn’t see much from the tiny rectangular window at the door, but it seemed like the nurses that fussed around Kageyama planned to move him somewhere. 

Wasn’t the operation at 10? Was he wrong? Or was Kageyama’s state so bad that they had to operate instantly? 

Suddenly all the thoughts of the near future were out the window, and Hinata’s heart was heavy with the worry for the present. What if Kageyama won’t make it? 

He pushed the door gently, it didn’t budge, he didn’t have access. Then he jumped away, seeing that one of the nurses is leaving. When she opened the door he realised that Kageyama was with her, still on the bed, which is why he didn’t see him before. 

“Hinata?”, he said surprised.  
“You can’t be here”, one of the nurses spoke at the same time, her voice soft. 

“Is everything okay? Wasn’t your operation meant to be at 10?”, Hinata ignored both of them and walked alongside as they sped up.  
“They have to make preparations beforehand”, Kageyama replied, he sounded better than the night before.  
“I see, are your parents here?”, the nurses tried to shoo him away, but Hinata wasn’t giving up yet.  
“Yeah, they just left. You should wait with them in the waiting area”, Kageyama grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently. Even now he tried to reassure him, make him feel better. Hinata reprimanded himself inwardly, he should be the one providing support right now. He gave Kageyama a weak smile, and paused as the nurses took the setter through the door. 

Now, where was the waiting area? 

###  ❀ 

The operation lasted forever. Hinata forced himself to eat a granola bar from a vending machine that he managed to find enough coins for in his pockets. He spotted Kageyama’s parents in the crowded waiting room, but didn’t try to talk to them. Even if he did attempt to, what would he say? That it’s his fault their son is going through all this?

They would no doubt hate him. 

Yet, he had no choice but approach them after the doctor approached them two hours into the waiting and appeared to disclose some information. The worried looks on their faces alarmed him and he instantly found himself next to Kageyama’s mother, which now stared at him blankly, clearly not recognising him with his hair pressed down like this.  
“How is he?”, he blurted out rudely.  
“Excuse me?”, Kageyama’s mother appeared almost insulted by the question.  
“Kageyama. How is he?”, Hinata repeated nevertheless, feeling his uneasiness making the granola bar in his stomach climb up back to his throat. Thankfully he didn’t throw up on the spot.  
“Do I know you?”, Kageyama’s mother scrutinised him, folding her arms across her chest.  
“I’m his friend from high-school, Hinata Shoyo, we play volleyball together”, he explained in a rush, and saw the women visibly relax a little.  
“He’s going to be fine, he has to stay at the hospital for observation for at least a week though”, she finally gave him an answer and he smiled brightly at her, pleased with what he heard.  
“Thank god”, Hinata could breathe again, without even saying his goodbyes to Kageyama’s parents he walked out of the hospital and went home. Despite his parents concern he couldn’t explain anything, he fell asleep as soon as his back touched the bed. 

###  ❀ 

Kageyama was terrified of the operation. After Hinata got kicked out by the security which got alarmed by one of the passing by nurses, he couldn’t sleep. He realised how stupid he was for almost choosing death at such a young age. How stupid he was for not telling his best friend about his feelings. 

At first he couldn’t believe that Hinata truly loved him. But within the first fifteen minutes after the boys clumsy confession he was convinced. The passion in the redheads eyes, the hasty movements and soft kisses that morphed into hungry make-out sessions, it all confirmed that Hinata at least found him attractive. And that was good enough for tonight. 

_”I’m happy you were mine, at least for like two hours”, it was weird to see Hinata cry that night, but at some point they lost interest in making out, and the redhead half laid on the bed with him, with his legs dangling off the bed, not touching the ground._

_As much as Hinata hated his height, Kageyama appreciated that the boy was smaller, he fit into his arms so perfectly._

_“It sucks that it’s all ending”, Kageyama pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head._

_“You will find someone else, don’t cry”, he was stroking Hinata’s arm absentmindedly._

_“Now that I know that I can have you I don’t really want anyone else.”_

_“Don’t be so sappy”, Kageyama chuckled, but felt tears threaten to stream from his eyes again._

_“I was trying to be romantic”, Hinata sulked._

_“It didn’t work, dumbass”, Kageyama teased, but turned around making all the cables pinned to his arm follow, and embraced the shorter boy._

_“I bet it did, you seem awfully pleased with yourself”, this time Hinata teased him._

_“Do I?”, Kageyama questioned, his voice raspy._

_“Yeah, it’s almost scary”, Hinata yawned on the first word._

_“Don’t you dare fall asleep idiot”, the setter pinched him lightly._

_“I wouldn’t”, the redhead sounded offended in the moment, but it was certainly a lie considering that he fell asleep in Kageyama’s arms minutes later. Secretly, he wished they could sleep like that every single night._

Just thinking about the events of last night made him tear up. He regretted not confessing sooner, but at the same time knew that it wouldn’t turn out like this if he did. Kageyama feared the operation almost more than death itself. It wasn’t the end of the world if he will lose his feelings for Hinata. It will just be the end of what they shared on that one night.


	11. Chapter 11

It wasn’t the end. 

For the next week Hinata visited the hospital every single day, and Kageyama’s mother eventually gave in and let him see the setter when the nurses had no objections. 

It has been three days since they last saw each other. Apart from apparent boredom on the setters face while he paged through the volleyball monthly magazine, he appeared to be fine. At first he didn’t look at Hinata, not noticing the boys presence.   
“Hey”, the redhead greeted him awkwardly, after waiting for what seemed like eternity.   
“Hey, dumbass”, the words sounded harsh and Hinata shrunk into himself, realising their short lived romance was over. At least Kageyama’s throat was healing up. Timidly, the boy looked up, and was about to mention the snacks and volleyball recordings he brought for them to watch, but then he saw the look in the setters eyes. 

Kageyama looked like an excited puppy at the sight of his friend. He chucked the magazine at the little dresser table next to his bed carelessly and locked eyes with Hinata again, expectedly.   
“You seem to be doing good”, the redhead said shyly, coming closer to the bed. He wasn’t sure what to make out of that. Kageyama was probably just happy to see someone other than nurses and his parents all the time. Although, it was out of character for the setter to express his positive emotions like that, which made Hinata question it. Could it be that the feelings remained somehow?

“Why didn’t you come earlier?”, the setter asked as soon as Hinata sat on the side of his bed. 

“I tried, but your mum said you can’t see me”, he answered honestly, and cringed at Kageyama’s sour expression after hearing the words.   
“I don’t think it worked”, Kageyama cut to the chase. Hinata inhaled deeply, and as his lungs filled with air, his heart filled with hope. He locked his butterscotch eyes with Kageyama’s azure ones, waiting for an elaboration. 

“Nothing really changed”, as always, Kageyama wasn’t good with words, but it made the redhead smile brightly and almost jump at him, embracing the setter tightly.   
“Are you trying to fuck up my lungs _again_?”, he seemed to be offended by the rough celebration, but Hinata knew that inwardly Kageyama was as happy as he was. 

Later on Hinata found out that all the flowers in Kageyama’s lungs were already dead when the operation began, which baffled the hospital personnel. When the setter returned to school, and to volleyball, nothing between him and Hinata changed. Afterall, they were more than friends from the start, even if neither of them realised it early enough. 

That year they made it to nationals together. 

In the following years they fulfilled all their promises to each other, that Hinata worried will be long forgotten. 

They survived long distance when Hinata left for Rio to chase his dream. 

They survived moving in together when he returned and realising that they dislike each others living habits.

They survived when Kageyama’s career advanced faster than Hinata’s. 

Eventually, they faced each other on opposite sides of the court, fulfilling the last promise they made as teenagers.

“There is one more thing”, Kageyama said, the morning after their match. Hinata just entered the kitchen to see the setter already up, drinking a protein shake way too early in the day.   
“What thing?”, he asked sleepily, making his way past the setter to stare empty-mindedly at the open fridge. In the end he just took out a bottle of water and closed it.  
“You said yesterday we fulfilled our last promise to each other from high-school. But, I need you to promise one more thing to me”, Kageyama was speaking much more than usual, and it was only 8am.   
“What thing?”, Hinata repeated confused, and finally looked at the setter. 

Something was off, but he couldn’t put a finger on it. 

A finger. That’s right. 

There was a golden band on Kageyama’s ring finger. 

Confused, Hinata was about to ask him what this was about, the setter was never fond of jewellery. 

Then he caught a glimpse of their dining table and saw it littered with sunflowers. 

Hinata grew very fond of the flower and Kageyama gave him a bouquet of them every anniversary. But this wasn’t a bouquet, it was just a mess.

Among the flowers he spotted a golden band that matched the one on the setters ring finger. 

“Promise that we will stay together”, Kageyama said finally, his tone awfully serious.   
“That goes without saying, dumbass”, Hinata chuckled and picked up the ring. Before putting it on, he examined the engraved letters on the inside of the band:

###  "S U N F L O W E R S" 


End file.
